Divorce, divorce, divorce and again divorce

In times like these I am really ashamed to be Maltese.  I hate this mentality we have were we feel this big need to push our thoughts on to others and make others agree with us at all costs.  Just because you have an opinion it doesn't mean you should share it, and most often, believe me, it's better for everyone if you don't.  Nothing personal, just some opinions would be better kept were they belong, in the unsaid world.

I am so disappointed in some members of the Church right now.  I never lived in the 60s but now I know what it felt like having the Church breathing down your neck, condemning you to hell if you don't do what it is deeming right.  As a believing Catholic, I have refrained from attending mass the last couple of weeks because all they talk about is this issue of divorce, and of how people who agree with it should not get the holy communion, or how they do not really belong with Christ.  What sort of message is this? Isn't God a being of love, who loves us no matter what, who accept us with all our faults, who keeps believing in us when we sin and is there ready to forgive us? Isn't that what the Church always preached since we were children?  So what happened now??? GOD has suddenly changed his way of being because he wants his people to do what the Church deems fit at all costs?  The Church has its rules and no one more than me agrees with them but the Church is not the State. When is everyone finally going to realise that and start behaving as such?  Is it that difficult to understand that the Maltese people are not all Catholic/religious and that not all of them marry in Church, and so the Church laws do not apply to them?  Is it so difficult for the Church to accept the fact that marriage is not always perfect and sometimes things do end badly, and that people should have the possibility to start over and have the happiness that they deserve?

http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20110525/local/-Ask-your-confessor-if-vote-for-divorce-is-a-sin.367135

 

Instead of spending days and months talking about the issue of divorce why don't we spend time discussing marriage? What the Church needs to do is to make sure that people actually know what marriage is all about so that people may chose carefully, and take the decision of marriage seriously.  The Church should see that the couples who decide to get married make a conscious decision to do so.  The Church should make sure that the couples she is uniting in marriage are really ready for this huge commitment. 

The marriage of 18 and 20 year olds, COME ON!!!! Really!!! They maybe the couple that lasts for ever, true.  They maybe  the couple that loves each other the most.  They maybe the couple who is ready to sacrifice everything for their partner and the children in the family.  BUT really how many of these couples do exist???  It is not just them.  How can people get married when they do not know themselves, what they like, what they want? How can people get married and live in a relationship if they have no idea what marriage life is like.  The Church is all against cohabitation but this is something which helps people really evaluate their relationship.  It helps people realize if the marriage can actually work, before it is too late.  Cohabitation should not be seen as a sin but as a vital experience in a couples life.  Living together 24/7 is not the same as meeting your partner 4 times a week for 5hrs tops at a time.  I don't know if it ever happened to you but how many times you've been away on vacation, or simply decided to stay 4/5 days in a hotel/flat together with your friends, and you realize that even your best buddies have these characteristical flaws that you've never noticed and that makes it really difficult for you to live with.  It is not that you don't love them.  It is just that we as persons in our uniqueness can cohabit and live peacefully with just a small number of people.  Sometimes people are just not meant to live together.

At this point in time, I'm just looking forward to Saturday 28th when hopefully all this drama will end.  It is not that this issue is not important, on the contrary it really is.  It is just that too much is too much.  We live in a kind of society where we live in complete silence.  We never really complain openly about things.  We live in the kind of society where things are usually done hush hush.  But then, the election, a referendum comes, and it seems as if people find within themselves, this need to express out loudly what they think.  It's not that I am against freedom of speech.  On the contrary.  Again I repeat, it is just that sometimes too much is too much.  Not that I want to be egoistic or anything, but all these thoughts, all these talks are costing me my sanity and the state over 3 million euros.  Frankly, I believe I could have come up with 3 million ways in which that money could be spent.

At the end though, all I really want is that people forget most of what they have heard these last few months and really think it through.  There is really no right and wrong if you do what you really believe is right.  Don't let yourself get brainwashed.  Just think for yourselves, think about what it will mean and then decide.  Believe me you don't really need much more to make a good decision.

Mother's Day

Yesterday was the day dedicated to all mothers in the world.  It is symbolised as a day of happiness where all families are reunited together and spend the day honouring the mothers in the family.  It is a day, amongst many others where I think of you, my dear mum, wishing you were still here with me.  Long years have passed and I still remember those moments we had together. 

Mums are the first people we come in contact with. They give you their love, their attention, their time.  In the early years they are there all the time, looking after us and worrying about us for all the smallest of things.  They teach us how to live, how to take care of ourselves, how to live in society.  They take us to our first day at school.  Who doesn't remember all the cries on the first day at kindergarten.  But things slowly get better, and children slowly realise that just because mum isn't there it doesn't me that she has forgot about me, that she has left me and that she is not coming back for me.  This helps building and even stronger bond. 

And then the troubled teenage years come when children feel that their mum is oppressing them, that their mum is interfering, that their mum doesn't love them.  These years put quite a strain on the children-mother relationship.  But mothers are forgiven.  They forgive all the insults we throw at them, they forget all the hurtful words which tend to be part of all the conversations we have with them, and they are still there, day after day, looking out for us, taking care of us, listening to us whenever we need them.  They are there when we grow older and start our own family.  They are there to support us, to help with the rearing of our children, to listen and to give advice.

It is endless love they have for us.  They are always ready to sacrifice everything for us.  They would go hungry for us.  They would go cold for us.  They would go without basic essentials for us.  They're ready to give us all that we need and more, expecting nothing in return. 

For all intents and purposes, children are lucky enough and get a supermum,

without even having to ask Santa for it.   

Unfortunately, we cannot forget that not all children are so lucky.  Some women are simply unfit to be mothers.  It is either because they are simply egoistic and can't see anyone as ever being more important than them, taking up their time and energy.  Otherwise some women are simply cruel, who somehow they take pleasure in seeing their children suffer.  They may either inflict the pain themselves or they may knowingly give others the possibility to hurt and abuse their children, seeing their children as their personal objects which they can use and dispose of as they please.  Then there is also the unfortunate group of mothers who are unable to take care of their children because of a psychological illness they suffer from.



Hoping that these are the minority of cases and these kind of people are discovered before they can do serious damage to their children, it is nice that for a day, all those mothers that make so many sacrifices for their children are celebrated.  Strictly speaking a day is hardly enough to show them our appreciation and we should take it upon ourselves to thank them, as frequently as possible for what they do for us.

Tagged and Bagged

Emile Durkheim once said that living in a society means that norms, structures and rules need to be followed.  This is supposedly done to keep order within society and to make sure to safeguard the interests of the citizens.  In reality, labelling is just used to satisfy society's need to control the behaviour of its citizens.  This means that those people who stray away from the conventional norms are tagged and labelled as deviant.  The simple act of dyeing your hair or wearing clothes which are different from the fashion at the time is shunned upon.



Kurt Cassar



All sort of names have been invented to define people and categorise them.  Putting people in groups seems to be a new found hobby.  Short, tall, male, female, straight, gay, religious, non religious, intelligent, stupid, emo, punk, nerd, black, white, fat, skinny, freak, weirdo, four eyed are amongst the many labels found around.  Somehow it seems that people feel comfortable labelling people because through it they get the impresson that they get to know everything about a person.  Obviously, this is far from the truth.

Who of us can say that they've never been labelled as one thing or another, and felt hurt about it because people saw them just as that label, nothing else, never even bothering to look beyond that, to dig deeper and get to know them.  Who they are? What they like? What they can do? However, this doesn't seem to stop people from doing the same things to others.  Somehow, instead of standing up, helping others and fighting this labelling culture, people seem to take pleasure in actually seeing people suffer as much as they did, as if by doing this, they are taking some sort of revenge, having the power to crush others, attempting to crawl back to the topo of the ladder.

PEOPLE USED AS PERSONAL PUNCHING BAGS FOR OUR OWN PLEASURE,

FOR OUR OWN SENS OF SELF-WORTH.

Words are very powerful and people need to start realizing just how much power they have when they speak.  Words can be used to give hope, to encourage and to support people.  Otherwise they can be used to shred away people's decency, leading people to despair.  It is not the first time that we hear of incidents where people just couldn't cope anymore and they decided to succumb to suicide, the pain being so great that they just can't imagine living one more day.  Suicide is in fact on the increase, especially with teenagers.  In 2006 in the USA, suicide has claimed the lives of over 33,000 people, making it the 11th leading cause of death.

At the end of the day, the choice is in our hands.  We can decide to use our words to make some positive difference in people's lives or else we can throw them at people like rocks, until we stone them to death.

Not Knowing

What does it feel like to reach the age of 24 and still not knowing what to do with your life? I mean, I’m not unemployed. I have a job that pays well and everything.  Sure it is just a contract with an expiration date, but still I know that it will give me a lot of good opportunities in the future.  But what am I looking for? What exactly are these opportunities? What do I want to do?  The simple answer is: I’VE NO IDEA.  We keep getting in these conversations at work about the future and every time they ask me what my plans are, I simply cannot answer.  With all the education I have and the long years spent at school I still cannot answer these questions.

All around me I see people living according to some sort of a plan. They met someone between the ages of 17 and 19.  They finished university. They found a job. And now they are getting their engagements, buying their houses, planning their weddings. I don’t know if they are happy or anything but they seem to have figured out what to do with their lives, something I clearly haven’t yet.

 

Life has never been easy for me.  Up until recently, after I spent a year studying in England, I come back home to find that I had lost most of the people close to me.  As they say time changes people, or well, it has definitely changed me.  I came back different, expecting different things from people, believing that I deserved better.  So changes where inevitable.  However, this still meant depressing moments and a long time alone, having hardly anyone around.  Then, I found this job.  I was vibrant, excited, full of ideas, full of visions of the future.  Things even started going better with other people, had more friends around, felt less lonely.  But now I am lost again.  It’s just that I cannot figure out where to go from here.  What to do?  What I want?

I know life isn’t easy and that nothing is ever easy.  But I just wish that somewhere a candle is lit up to clear away the darkness, to show me the way, the path I need to follow in order to achieve what “I am meant to” achieve.  Life is our biggest teacher.  We learn from our experiences.  We learn who we are, what we are capable of doing and sometimes even how to go about doing things.  I just wish that I am given the possibility to really find out what I want to do in life, where I am heading.  At least, if I know this, I’m sure I’ll be able to find a way to achieve this.  I’m tired of not knowing where I’m heading.  I’m tired of feeling so lost all the time.  I just want some answers for once.
  

In Plato’s Republic, he saw people as having a pre-destined role, having people born to be leaders, others soldiers and others manual workers.  First time I read the book I thought the idea was simply hideous because everyone should be free to do what they please and that no one should be tagged and labelled before they were even given the possibility to show what they are capable of doing.  However, at this point in time, I envy the citizens in Plato’s Republic.  They were born knowing what to do, easy enough right?  I know I’m babbling about people who never even existed apart from in Plato’s find, all I want is some answers, some clues, some directions that can guide me to my next move, showing me what I should do and where to go from there.  Don’t think that’s asking too much is it?