6 months from now

Now, I've almost been doing my job for five months.  It's been goodish so far.  I've learnt a lot already.  I've grown work-wise and I'm sure this will help me a great deal in my work in the future. It's been long and tiring as well.  It helped me realized that routine is not exactly something that I work well with.  It actually something that wears me out in the long run.  So this job also helped me learn something about myself, something that it is very important to know if you want to find the job that actually makes you happy.

But what will happen to me in 6 months time when this job is over?  Well, good question.  Have some thoughts in mind, some plans, but nothing concrete.  Most importantly these thoughts of mine, these plans of mine are somehow contradictory, and they definitely cannot be done together unfortunately.

I may find a job within a governmental institution.  I may work on an other EU project, while at the same time I will be doing a two year post-grad diploma in mediation.  I may start something of my own, working hard, trying to make my break, creating something that works and that earns me money.  Or else, well, I could be living abroad, going round the world, visiting the places I always wanted to visit.  The latter has been on my mind for as long as I can remember.  It would be the ultimate present I give to myself.  I always postponed this for one reason or an other.  First it was the money, and then the fact that it wasn't something I didn't want to do alone.

But now, in six months time, I'll actually be 25 years old.  25 years.  I don't really feel that age, but that doesn't change the fact that in six months time I will actually be 25 and there is nothing I can do to stop that, to change that.  25.  They may not seem a lot for some but it's still a quarter of a century.  And what do I have to show for it.  I don't have a boyfriend, there doesn't seem to be any kind of relationship in the near future, so there is no need to think about starting a family, buying a house, or anything else that most of my peers are actually doing in this part of their lives.  I'm not saying that I haven't accomplished anything worth it in my live. On the contrary, I have live experiences which few of my peers can say they done.  I've grown, I've matured, I've learnt a lot already.  This still doesn't feel enough.

The pressure is building up right now, pressuring me to decide what to do 6 months from now.  Somehow, next year feels like an ultimatum, the now or never kind of thing.  I keep thinking, if you don't do it know when will you do it?  So, I often find myself dreaming of six months from now.  Travelling is what I would do if I was up to me.  I want to finally go to America.  I've dreamt of visiting this countries for more than my life, so why not finally do it next year? True, after England last year I've kind of figured out that, to really enjoy such an experience you have to share it with someone else.  But how long can I wait for this someone else? Should I deprive myself from doing what I've always dreamt of doing, because I don't, as yet have that someone else?

Having another job lined up for as soon as I'm finished would be considered the wisest thing to do when living in such an economical unrest, where to find a job has become like a fight in the Roman Circuses. But is this the thing for me?  Sure, I'll make money.  Sure, I'll be congratulated for my success.  But will this make me happy?  What's the money for if you cannot spend it doing something you love? What's a job for if it drains you from the energy and the want to really LIVE life.

Life is too complicated sometimes.  All these actions and their consequences, sometimes just makes it difficult to reach a decision, to do that something that is really the thing for you, the thing that brings you happiness.  What if I travel and I lose the JOB OPPORTUNITY of my life, ending up coming back to nothing?  What if I find a job and lose for ever the OPPORTUNITY TO TRAVEL, to visit those longed for countries, to have my experience of a life time?

I was blessed and at the same time cursed with this ability to think.  I don't know what will become of me in 6 months time but whatever it ends up to be, I just hope I'll be happy.  That's all I ask for, that's all I look for, the opportunity to be happy, so that when the day come for me to leave this world, I can leave without having so many regrets.  What ever I end up doing/choosing, I want it to result in happiness, because, at the end, you can never regret doing something that brought you so much happiness.