First Planking Now Owling.....

To whoever has said that the new generations lacks creativity, than s/he has never seen what they have been coming out with.  Mind you, it's not as if with these creative outbreaks they are anything remotely important or lifesaving but it's creative nonetheless, nobody can say the contrary.  But what am I referring to?  As the title clearly states, I am obviously referring to these new trends of Planking and Owling which have gone round the globe in no time.  It is interesting really how both these activities started off somewhere, nobody really knows where, no one can actually tell, but in a matter seconds (not literally, but almost) people, in every part of the world started following these trends, posting photos online.  The Media was also highly involved in both these phenomenon, and if you were someone who didn't have any idea what these were, people tend to give you that look as if saying...YOU LIVE ON THIS PLANET OR WHAT???

But, just in case, there is someone out there who has still no idea on what I am talking about, here is a brief description of what these two trends are:

PLANKING - The lying down game or planking is an activity consisting of lying face down in an unusual or incongruous location. The hands must touch the sides of the body and having a photograph of the participant taken and posted on the Internet is an integral part of the game. Players compete to find the most unusual and original location in which to play. The location should also be as public as possible, and as many people as possible should be involved. The term planking is described as the practice of lying down flat with arms to the side, to mimic a wooden plank. Unfortunately or fortunately, that's up to you to decide, this trend died as quickly as it started and it has been replaced by owling.

OWLING -  Owling, as the Washington Post explains, is the act of taking a picture while crouching in an owl-like posture. Also, presumably, while in a strange location.

Are these things useful? Well I don't think they are. Why do they do them? Well in their minds I think these are things they think it's worth spending time doing. It is definitely not something I would spend my time on. My opinion, time is too special to waste on such activities. What I do think it is interest though, is the amount of people who actually do and follow these trends and the fast means by which they spread.  These both make it easier to understand the Maltese term - L-ezempju jkaxkar - (it's very easy to follow the examples of others).  It would be nice if this also happens with more important things as well.

And ARRIVA came

They have now officially been over a week in the service but unfortunately 

no real improvement has been noticed.  

They've come with a lot of promises, better services, politer bus drivers, more comfortable and air-conditioned buses, more frequent buses, more routes.  All beautiful things that made the Maltese look really forward to their arrival.  But what did they really get??

People, such as myself, who use the service every morning to go to work, are forced to wake up and go wait for the bus much earlier than they used too. Mind you, I am not talking about a couple of minutes earlier, I am talking as much as an hour earlier.  But than what happens?  Are the Maltese people at least rewarded for their early departure??  Of course they are not.  At least that's the case in my home town.  You go to wait for a bus at 6 in the morning.  The first thing you see is a mass of people all piled up on top of each other already waiting for the bus.  Some of them have actually already been waiting an hour for the bus, waiting for a bus that never came.  People grumble because let's face the truth, they are going to be late for work.  But nobody seems to care.  It may pass as not much of a problem once or twice but which employer welcomes you with open arms when you arrive later for work day after day?? 

So you're there, waiting, and you finally see a bus coming.  When it stops in front of the mass of angry people, they actually realize that it is not the right bus, it is not a bus going to Valletta which all the people are actually waiting for but a bus going to a remote place called Bahrija. One has to ask, who the hell goes to Bahrija at 6 o'clock in the morning??  If truth be told, who the hell goes to Bahrija at all.  So you stay there waiting some more, cursing and looking at your watch, hearing the church's clock chiming a quarter of an hour after an other.  You see another bus coming, but guess what, it's not the correct bus either.  This one is going to the beach.  Would be actually nice to go there, there's only a tiny bit of a problem, you are actually waiting for the bus to go to work.  Who in their right minds sets up routes to remote places in the early hours of the morning instead of sending buses to the capital city where everyone is actually going.

But that is not it.  When the bus actually comes it takes almost an hour to arrive in it's mid destination where some people have to stop to change buses.  It used to take buses half an hour to arrive at their destination, Valletta, but now it takes almost an hour to arrive mid way.  And one asks, why the hell is that?  It is true that the traffic has actually increased because of the inefficiency of the Arriva services, but the reality is that the length of time is not wasted because of the traffic.  Just yesterday, it took us 40 minutes to make it through Siggiewi, 40 BLOODY MINUTES.  And obviously the reason is that differently from before, when we had more than 6 buses available in the morning, where the people using the buses would be divided in these, and where both the buses and the drivers would be on the first stage before it is time for it to leave, NOW the buses come (sometimes actually on time) but it takes them minimum 15 minutes on the first stage to get all the people on board as obviously most need to pay for the fare.  By this time the bus is already full so from than on it is sort of a fight, a fight with yourself trying to make yourself as small as possible so that all the other people could actually make it on the bus.  Sardines have more spaces in their can.  

Needless to say, so far, this has never happened, and you are left feeling guilt for those other poor souls who have been left to wait, God only knows for how long, in the hope that another bus shows up.  But mind you, that is not the end of it.  When you have to change buses you have to pass from this same process once again.   This is definitely not what I call the best way to start they day.

Being the social scientist I am, it has been interesting for me looking at the way people reacted.  It has to be said some reactions are typically Maltese, which never seize to surprise me. You have to explain to me how such such an issue is also discussed and fought on a political basis.  People who grumble from the service are accused that they are Labour Party supports and that they are the people that grumble no matter what.  Whilst on the other hand, the people who don't grumble and who are actually in favour of Arriva because of the new buses etc, are accused of defending the Nationalist Party no matter what.

Well I don't know what else to say.  So far this has been the Arriva situation. It is true the buses are air-conditioned but you spend hours waiting outside for the bus, in the sun.  Most of the drivers I came in contact so far are definitely a bit better behaved, but than they are hardly of any help because they themselves have no idea of what is going on Arriva wise. The buses are neither more frequent nor do they come on time, especially if you live in a small town. The buses are definitely more comfortable, but it is difficult to see this if you are packed like sardines, where you have to fight your way in and out.

I can

It is becoming common and common for me to be forced to things on my own, you know like travelling alone, attending functions (weddings etc) alone.  I have to admit that I don't like it one bit but I'm happy to say that I am managing to do them.  It's kind of difficult at first. Just the idea that I have to do something, ones more, on my own, well it's kind of depressing.  But then, at the end of the day, when I manage to do these things successfully, I can't help but being proud of myself.  It is just a confirmation of what I am capable of if I don't give up.  I know this may sound as stupid for some, because let's face it, it is not like I am saving someone's life.  BUT, still, for me, this is like a small victory for me every time I manage to do something on my own.

  

me and Tony

Every time I am faced with these kind of things, like a wedding reception, like the one I had to attend yesterday and ended up going alone, get me thinking.  I can't say I am the sociabilest person that exist but I'm not unsociable either.  I'm friendly, I know how to have fun and I love being in the company of others. So, when these things occur, I end up thinking...thinking of the small number of friends I ended up having. Mind you, I love my friends with all my heart and soul, and I am so lucky to have them.  But you know how it is.  Usually when one of your friends can't make it, you turn on to the other, and then the other.  The bigger the pool of friends the more likely you'll find someone to share your experiences in life with.  But if this is not the case, well, truth is that the probability of ending up alone is much bigger, with a friend living abroad, with one sick, with one having another commitment and with the other too tired to come to the wedding, well I ended up going alone, and I actually managed to have fun.  

me and Thea

As time passes, and I am forced to keep living these kind of experiences, I don't know, but somehow, I have these kind of feeling that these are some sort of trials.  You know how they say that everything happens for a reason.  Well, it's like that for me.  Don't know if I am managing to explain myself well, but amidst all the disappointments, I am ultimately finding myself stronger.  You'd ask stronger in what way.  Well it just feels like every time I manage to accomplish something alone, I make a step forward in the direction of my life.  If I keep managing to do loads of things alone, well why can't I make that huge step forward later on, leaving Malta and living abroad, hopefully the States alone?  I know these are small things compared to leaving everyone and everything you know and going to live 7hrs plane away, but it feels like it some sort of training in preparation.

As I said before it's not something which I like doing.  Going into a place alone and looking a bit lost, not sure what to do, not sure where to go, well it's not exactly a nice sight and it is definitely not a nice feeling. Moreover, I'm not really good with starting small talk, starting chatting people up, so it is not the first time that I find myself quite lonely, searching frantically for my mobile phone and texting people, or simply play with it just to have something to do.  But at the end even these pass. At one point, you just settle down and you just try to enjoy yourself.  You just try to make it work.  And so far I have to say I managed, and that is indeed a beautiful achievement for me.  

I always say that I hope that I do not have to relive, once more, similar experiences, and I don't, really, but all in all, it really is through these kind of experiences that you can see your potential, what you are really and truly capable of achieving on your own.  At the end, it is just good to know that you are actually capable of taking care of yourself whatever the circumstances, whatever the situations, that you can always count on you.

What can possibly happen in two days???!!!

Las Ramblas, remember it,
recognised it,
forgotten how long it was.

Today, I find myself writing from Barcelona, well couldn't finish it down there, so here we are three days later. This is the first time I travelled alone down there.  I've been to England on my own various times, this last year but somehow I was still a bit afraid of travelling alone.  I've been here twice before but, I was still young and I actually managed to recognize a few landmarks here and there, although sometimes these were a bit different in my mind.  But as I said, I still had my fears.  

For a change, although I hate it with all my heart, I travelled at night.  Somehow, I always end up having flights late at night lately, always when I'm travelling alone actually.  Don't know if this is some sort of trial to see how strong I am, if I'll manage to succeed.  I mean it's not as if I have never travelled before.  I've been travelling as long as I can remember.  I've been 6 the first time I went outside my beautiful island, and since then I've hardly stopped.  But still, every time I travel I get a little bit anxious, I have this little fear of the unknown.  I can make the same journey a thousand times without beating my eyelashes, BUT the first time, well it's the first time.

You start with the airport.  Familiarizing yourself with the airport.  Landing and feeling safe.  It usually doesn't help so much when you land and the airport is deserted, but well, once more that was exactly the thing.  I went out of the airport, 4 in the morning, pitch black.  I couldn't take a bus or the metro, because at 4 in the morning none of these work, so, for a change I had to do something else I hate, take a cab.  I mean I could have slept at the airport, something I had actually done before, but since the ride to the city centre took around 20 minutes I decided to pluck up the courage and do it.  So out I went, found a cab parked and went in, gave him the address and off we went.  In less than 15 minutes we were actually outside the hotel, paid the fee, 27 euros and in we went.  The hotel was full, the room I had booked was occupied, and since the normal check in was at 2 in the afternoon, well, needless to say, I couldn't go to sleep.  

The receptionist was gentle enough to let me sit on the sofa, and wait.  Well I say, gently enough because it wasn't the first time that it was suggested that we go out in the streets, in the middle of the night, because of room problems.  But that's for an other time.  So there I stayed, slept a bit, I must say the sofa was quite comfortable, woke up a lot, kept hearing voices and thinking, what will people say if they saw me sleeping there. And then, at 7 o'clock I had this brilliant idea that I had to go for a walk outside.  I figured, more and more people will be coming down and they will see me sleeping there.  And anyway, my time was very limited so, I couldn't afford to waste any.  Make sense right??

I don't know many of you have ever been to Spain but they are not exactly the early risers kind of people.  So the only people seen in the streets were either vagabonds or drunks who were heading off after a night out.  Not exactly the kind of people you want to see in the streets 3 hours after landing in a different city, while you're alone and you don't exactly emit energy.  But still, I walked, I walked and straight on I walked.  Since I didn't really know where I was I decided to follow a pattern, walking straight on the right hand side of the road. I saw the University, ohh yes, I was really close, 2 minutes away, it's a pity that the faculty where I wanted to go was on the other side of town, but, well I found that out after I had booked and paid my hotel, hardly anything I could do at that point.

University of Barcelona

At one point I saw a Starbucks.  Was still closed but it got me thinking of England, of London time with Valentina, so I started craving it.  I thought, well a tea is a must at this hour of the morning so why not taking it from here. I checked the time, 10 minutes to opening time.  So I decided to keep walking and come back 10 minutes later.  Closed shops, closed shops and more closed shops.  10 minutes later I was back.  Surprisingly enough I wasn't the only customer.  I bought my tea and sat there waiting for the time to pass, for eight o'clock to come.  I figured, 8 o'clock i.e. more people on the streets, more shops open.

Discovered when taking a wrong turn

Needless to say, I was wrong.  What I didn't know at the time, and what I actually found out later on that day, was that it was a bank holiday.  With all the shops closed I saw that day I was actually worried for the economic downfall Barcelona was experiencing.  Anyway, from that point on the day was spent walking, walking, and more walking.  I didn't walk that much because Barcelona's city centre is huge, but mainly because I kept getting lost.  I minute I stopped following my precious pattern, I was doomed.  Well, to be honest I think I was doomed much before that, I was doomed the minute I was born with a nonexistent sense of direction.  So I walked, I walked and I walked some more.  I walked in circles, kept getting myself in the wrong streets and kept walking into weird people.  After an hour walking lost, I was really getting edgy.  I kept asking people to direct me to the place I recognized but even that seemed to be hard.  At long last I managed, I promised myself, no more wrong turns, but that proved more difficult than expected.  I got lost, I found my way, I got lost and asked around, I got lost and lost some more.

Barcelona Harbour

Thanks to all this losing I actually got myself to have a very good look around Barcelona.  Ha see one should always look on the bright side.  And the morning passed on slowly.  Seriously slowly.  I was happy because that meant more time to do what I had to do, some shopping, some photos.  Well as the shopping goes, I was quite disappointed.  Most of the shops I saw where indeed closed and the ones I did see didn't really offer much I liked.  Considering the fact that it was my only free day, I was quite disappointed.  At half one I went back to the hotel.  My room was still not finished so I waited some more.  Got the room, awesome room, beautiful bathroom, and decided to relax a bit.  Use the laptop, download somethings and take it easy.  But as always, things are never as you expect.  In fact, one thing I wasn't expecting was that these bloody Spanish people use a different electric connection than we do...damn it right. 

After that I decided to give up.  It was time to sleep a bit, get some of my energy back. I slept and in the end I wasn't really in the mood to wake up.  But in the end I did.  I couldn't waste my time sleeping.  I went down at the reception hoping that they had the power supply equipment I needed.  Got one, went up, came down.  It didn't work.  Went down again and got another one.  Thank God, this time round it worked.  The internet supply was unfortunately tooooo slow so I couldn't do much on it.  Damn, I actually carried a 3.5 kilograms with me for nothing.  Sigh.... But the day goes on.  I actually managed to get myself a map and started looking at the places I had to go to.  

Needless to say, after that I was much easier to find my way.  I got to the restaurant, early for a change.  I waited.  8 (the time of the meeting) came and went and no one was in site.  So I waited some more.  I started getting anxious though, and angry.  I really hate waiting.  I feel stupid.  I went inside to ask, to see if people were already inside.  So, I went back outside, AND WAITED.  At half eight, I started seeing people coming, looking confused and searching.  It was my cue.  I introduced myself and waited.  This time, at least, I wasn't alone.  Started talking, more people started coming, and went inside to eat.  It was very interesting.  I had my moments of silence, but I was pushed enough times to break the silence.  I soon realized that the people were actually really nice.  When we left, at 11, I was really calm.  I knew I would get back without much problems,  and I didn't.

Public demonstrations: Governments need to hear what
the people want, what they have to say.
From all my heart GOOD LUCK!!!

The following day I had to experiment with the metro station.  Easiest thing to do in the world.  Got there in no time, was early and waited, FOR A CHANGE.  It was a very nice experience, a full day packed, but the company was nice.  I didn't mind one bit.  At 5, I turned down the possibility of going out for a beer, in a place where you could see all Barcelona beneath you, and opted for some more shopping.  I thought, it was now or never.  Needless to say, Barcelona is a much different place when all the shops are open.  Managed to find what I was looking for and after watching a bit of the demonstrations (something currently happening in all the big cities in Spain) I went back to my hotel.  Had to pack and try get some sleep.  Kept waking up all the time, until at 3 I was actually forced to wake up.  

The first thing I did, as usual, was grabbing  my glasses.  Ha but why should I have a moment of pure tranquility??? My glasses' leg came off.  The pin had somehow come unwind.  Nice right.  I didn't have my contacts because I threw them away the day before and I hardly had any nails left (I spend the previous day biting off what I had left), but thank God after swearing some, and praying some more I managed to fix it.  I still wasn't much relaxed after that.  Grabbed everything and went down.  Asked for a cab, it came, and I heard them whispering about the commission.  Nice ey...what people say when they think that others don't understand them.  It is unnecessary at this point, I guess, to point out that my fare this time was much more than the first time.  I actually asked him about it, forcing him to admit that he was paying commission to the receptionist.  Nice, whatever, I was at the airport, safe and sound.  That's all that mattered at the end.

I tried getting in. The doors were locked.  Things just kept getting easier and easier for me.  I found a door open at one point with security asking me for my ticket.  The airport was almost empty.  Looked for my check in gate, and waited.  Thankfully I didn't have to wait too long.  I was asked to weigh my luggage.  It was overweight.  I asked to talk out my laptop and it was suddenly more than 3 kilos lighter.  I was allowed to keep it.  I was actually surprised because I was given the ticket for my second flight as well.  Didn't really understand what it meant, but when I did I was grateful.  It basically meant doing away with all the security checks once I was in Rome.

After that the day was basically long.  Just long hours of waiting. On the flight back home I actually got a glimpse of the nice people (NOT) coming to Malta this week and than I finally landed and got back home.  Tired and warn out.  It was three days but I still managed to learn a lot, to learn a lot about myself, my capabilities and I also got the possibility of some new perspectives for my life.  For one thing, I know that travelling alone is not the ideal thing for me.  It is not exactly the way to have fun.  It may be the way to be more adventurous, to discover new things, to actually memorize things, but it is not the best way if you want to have fun.  I can do, of that I think I am sure, such opportunities at least help me realize that.  But, it is not the way to have the most fun, to enjoy all the experience.  You will eventually end up making friends on the way, hopefully, but that doesn't let you forget of how difficult it was in the beginning.  Not sure how this will affect my future life, but it is something I will always thing about before I decide to do anything of that I'm sure.

Malta from above: it always leaves me breathless

6 months from now

Now, I've almost been doing my job for five months.  It's been goodish so far.  I've learnt a lot already.  I've grown work-wise and I'm sure this will help me a great deal in my work in the future. It's been long and tiring as well.  It helped me realized that routine is not exactly something that I work well with.  It actually something that wears me out in the long run.  So this job also helped me learn something about myself, something that it is very important to know if you want to find the job that actually makes you happy.

But what will happen to me in 6 months time when this job is over?  Well, good question.  Have some thoughts in mind, some plans, but nothing concrete.  Most importantly these thoughts of mine, these plans of mine are somehow contradictory, and they definitely cannot be done together unfortunately.

I may find a job within a governmental institution.  I may work on an other EU project, while at the same time I will be doing a two year post-grad diploma in mediation.  I may start something of my own, working hard, trying to make my break, creating something that works and that earns me money.  Or else, well, I could be living abroad, going round the world, visiting the places I always wanted to visit.  The latter has been on my mind for as long as I can remember.  It would be the ultimate present I give to myself.  I always postponed this for one reason or an other.  First it was the money, and then the fact that it wasn't something I didn't want to do alone.

But now, in six months time, I'll actually be 25 years old.  25 years.  I don't really feel that age, but that doesn't change the fact that in six months time I will actually be 25 and there is nothing I can do to stop that, to change that.  25.  They may not seem a lot for some but it's still a quarter of a century.  And what do I have to show for it.  I don't have a boyfriend, there doesn't seem to be any kind of relationship in the near future, so there is no need to think about starting a family, buying a house, or anything else that most of my peers are actually doing in this part of their lives.  I'm not saying that I haven't accomplished anything worth it in my live. On the contrary, I have live experiences which few of my peers can say they done.  I've grown, I've matured, I've learnt a lot already.  This still doesn't feel enough.

The pressure is building up right now, pressuring me to decide what to do 6 months from now.  Somehow, next year feels like an ultimatum, the now or never kind of thing.  I keep thinking, if you don't do it know when will you do it?  So, I often find myself dreaming of six months from now.  Travelling is what I would do if I was up to me.  I want to finally go to America.  I've dreamt of visiting this countries for more than my life, so why not finally do it next year? True, after England last year I've kind of figured out that, to really enjoy such an experience you have to share it with someone else.  But how long can I wait for this someone else? Should I deprive myself from doing what I've always dreamt of doing, because I don't, as yet have that someone else?

Having another job lined up for as soon as I'm finished would be considered the wisest thing to do when living in such an economical unrest, where to find a job has become like a fight in the Roman Circuses. But is this the thing for me?  Sure, I'll make money.  Sure, I'll be congratulated for my success.  But will this make me happy?  What's the money for if you cannot spend it doing something you love? What's a job for if it drains you from the energy and the want to really LIVE life.

Life is too complicated sometimes.  All these actions and their consequences, sometimes just makes it difficult to reach a decision, to do that something that is really the thing for you, the thing that brings you happiness.  What if I travel and I lose the JOB OPPORTUNITY of my life, ending up coming back to nothing?  What if I find a job and lose for ever the OPPORTUNITY TO TRAVEL, to visit those longed for countries, to have my experience of a life time?

I was blessed and at the same time cursed with this ability to think.  I don't know what will become of me in 6 months time but whatever it ends up to be, I just hope I'll be happy.  That's all I ask for, that's all I look for, the opportunity to be happy, so that when the day come for me to leave this world, I can leave without having so many regrets.  What ever I end up doing/choosing, I want it to result in happiness, because, at the end, you can never regret doing something that brought you so much happiness.

    

Divorce, divorce, divorce and again divorce

In times like these I am really ashamed to be Maltese.  I hate this mentality we have were we feel this big need to push our thoughts on to others and make others agree with us at all costs.  Just because you have an opinion it doesn't mean you should share it, and most often, believe me, it's better for everyone if you don't.  Nothing personal, just some opinions would be better kept were they belong, in the unsaid world.

I am so disappointed in some members of the Church right now.  I never lived in the 60s but now I know what it felt like having the Church breathing down your neck, condemning you to hell if you don't do what it is deeming right.  As a believing Catholic, I have refrained from attending mass the last couple of weeks because all they talk about is this issue of divorce, and of how people who agree with it should not get the holy communion, or how they do not really belong with Christ.  What sort of message is this? Isn't God a being of love, who loves us no matter what, who accept us with all our faults, who keeps believing in us when we sin and is there ready to forgive us? Isn't that what the Church always preached since we were children?  So what happened now??? GOD has suddenly changed his way of being because he wants his people to do what the Church deems fit at all costs?  The Church has its rules and no one more than me agrees with them but the Church is not the State. When is everyone finally going to realise that and start behaving as such?  Is it that difficult to understand that the Maltese people are not all Catholic/religious and that not all of them marry in Church, and so the Church laws do not apply to them?  Is it so difficult for the Church to accept the fact that marriage is not always perfect and sometimes things do end badly, and that people should have the possibility to start over and have the happiness that they deserve?

http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20110525/local/-Ask-your-confessor-if-vote-for-divorce-is-a-sin.367135

 

Instead of spending days and months talking about the issue of divorce why don't we spend time discussing marriage? What the Church needs to do is to make sure that people actually know what marriage is all about so that people may chose carefully, and take the decision of marriage seriously.  The Church should see that the couples who decide to get married make a conscious decision to do so.  The Church should make sure that the couples she is uniting in marriage are really ready for this huge commitment. 

The marriage of 18 and 20 year olds, COME ON!!!! Really!!! They maybe the couple that lasts for ever, true.  They maybe  the couple that loves each other the most.  They maybe the couple who is ready to sacrifice everything for their partner and the children in the family.  BUT really how many of these couples do exist???  It is not just them.  How can people get married when they do not know themselves, what they like, what they want? How can people get married and live in a relationship if they have no idea what marriage life is like.  The Church is all against cohabitation but this is something which helps people really evaluate their relationship.  It helps people realize if the marriage can actually work, before it is too late.  Cohabitation should not be seen as a sin but as a vital experience in a couples life.  Living together 24/7 is not the same as meeting your partner 4 times a week for 5hrs tops at a time.  I don't know if it ever happened to you but how many times you've been away on vacation, or simply decided to stay 4/5 days in a hotel/flat together with your friends, and you realize that even your best buddies have these characteristical flaws that you've never noticed and that makes it really difficult for you to live with.  It is not that you don't love them.  It is just that we as persons in our uniqueness can cohabit and live peacefully with just a small number of people.  Sometimes people are just not meant to live together.

At this point in time, I'm just looking forward to Saturday 28th when hopefully all this drama will end.  It is not that this issue is not important, on the contrary it really is.  It is just that too much is too much.  We live in a kind of society where we live in complete silence.  We never really complain openly about things.  We live in the kind of society where things are usually done hush hush.  But then, the election, a referendum comes, and it seems as if people find within themselves, this need to express out loudly what they think.  It's not that I am against freedom of speech.  On the contrary.  Again I repeat, it is just that sometimes too much is too much.  Not that I want to be egoistic or anything, but all these thoughts, all these talks are costing me my sanity and the state over 3 million euros.  Frankly, I believe I could have come up with 3 million ways in which that money could be spent.

At the end though, all I really want is that people forget most of what they have heard these last few months and really think it through.  There is really no right and wrong if you do what you really believe is right.  Don't let yourself get brainwashed.  Just think for yourselves, think about what it will mean and then decide.  Believe me you don't really need much more to make a good decision.

Mother's Day

Yesterday was the day dedicated to all mothers in the world.  It is symbolised as a day of happiness where all families are reunited together and spend the day honouring the mothers in the family.  It is a day, amongst many others where I think of you, my dear mum, wishing you were still here with me.  Long years have passed and I still remember those moments we had together. 

Mums are the first people we come in contact with. They give you their love, their attention, their time.  In the early years they are there all the time, looking after us and worrying about us for all the smallest of things.  They teach us how to live, how to take care of ourselves, how to live in society.  They take us to our first day at school.  Who doesn't remember all the cries on the first day at kindergarten.  But things slowly get better, and children slowly realise that just because mum isn't there it doesn't me that she has forgot about me, that she has left me and that she is not coming back for me.  This helps building and even stronger bond. 

And then the troubled teenage years come when children feel that their mum is oppressing them, that their mum is interfering, that their mum doesn't love them.  These years put quite a strain on the children-mother relationship.  But mothers are forgiven.  They forgive all the insults we throw at them, they forget all the hurtful words which tend to be part of all the conversations we have with them, and they are still there, day after day, looking out for us, taking care of us, listening to us whenever we need them.  They are there when we grow older and start our own family.  They are there to support us, to help with the rearing of our children, to listen and to give advice.

It is endless love they have for us.  They are always ready to sacrifice everything for us.  They would go hungry for us.  They would go cold for us.  They would go without basic essentials for us.  They're ready to give us all that we need and more, expecting nothing in return. 

For all intents and purposes, children are lucky enough and get a supermum,

without even having to ask Santa for it.   

Unfortunately, we cannot forget that not all children are so lucky.  Some women are simply unfit to be mothers.  It is either because they are simply egoistic and can't see anyone as ever being more important than them, taking up their time and energy.  Otherwise some women are simply cruel, who somehow they take pleasure in seeing their children suffer.  They may either inflict the pain themselves or they may knowingly give others the possibility to hurt and abuse their children, seeing their children as their personal objects which they can use and dispose of as they please.  Then there is also the unfortunate group of mothers who are unable to take care of their children because of a psychological illness they suffer from.



Hoping that these are the minority of cases and these kind of people are discovered before they can do serious damage to their children, it is nice that for a day, all those mothers that make so many sacrifices for their children are celebrated.  Strictly speaking a day is hardly enough to show them our appreciation and we should take it upon ourselves to thank them, as frequently as possible for what they do for us.

Tagged and Bagged

Emile Durkheim once said that living in a society means that norms, structures and rules need to be followed.  This is supposedly done to keep order within society and to make sure to safeguard the interests of the citizens.  In reality, labelling is just used to satisfy society's need to control the behaviour of its citizens.  This means that those people who stray away from the conventional norms are tagged and labelled as deviant.  The simple act of dyeing your hair or wearing clothes which are different from the fashion at the time is shunned upon.



Kurt Cassar



All sort of names have been invented to define people and categorise them.  Putting people in groups seems to be a new found hobby.  Short, tall, male, female, straight, gay, religious, non religious, intelligent, stupid, emo, punk, nerd, black, white, fat, skinny, freak, weirdo, four eyed are amongst the many labels found around.  Somehow it seems that people feel comfortable labelling people because through it they get the impresson that they get to know everything about a person.  Obviously, this is far from the truth.

Who of us can say that they've never been labelled as one thing or another, and felt hurt about it because people saw them just as that label, nothing else, never even bothering to look beyond that, to dig deeper and get to know them.  Who they are? What they like? What they can do? However, this doesn't seem to stop people from doing the same things to others.  Somehow, instead of standing up, helping others and fighting this labelling culture, people seem to take pleasure in actually seeing people suffer as much as they did, as if by doing this, they are taking some sort of revenge, having the power to crush others, attempting to crawl back to the topo of the ladder.

PEOPLE USED AS PERSONAL PUNCHING BAGS FOR OUR OWN PLEASURE,

FOR OUR OWN SENS OF SELF-WORTH.

Words are very powerful and people need to start realizing just how much power they have when they speak.  Words can be used to give hope, to encourage and to support people.  Otherwise they can be used to shred away people's decency, leading people to despair.  It is not the first time that we hear of incidents where people just couldn't cope anymore and they decided to succumb to suicide, the pain being so great that they just can't imagine living one more day.  Suicide is in fact on the increase, especially with teenagers.  In 2006 in the USA, suicide has claimed the lives of over 33,000 people, making it the 11th leading cause of death.

At the end of the day, the choice is in our hands.  We can decide to use our words to make some positive difference in people's lives or else we can throw them at people like rocks, until we stone them to death.

Not Knowing

What does it feel like to reach the age of 24 and still not knowing what to do with your life? I mean, I’m not unemployed. I have a job that pays well and everything.  Sure it is just a contract with an expiration date, but still I know that it will give me a lot of good opportunities in the future.  But what am I looking for? What exactly are these opportunities? What do I want to do?  The simple answer is: I’VE NO IDEA.  We keep getting in these conversations at work about the future and every time they ask me what my plans are, I simply cannot answer.  With all the education I have and the long years spent at school I still cannot answer these questions.

All around me I see people living according to some sort of a plan. They met someone between the ages of 17 and 19.  They finished university. They found a job. And now they are getting their engagements, buying their houses, planning their weddings. I don’t know if they are happy or anything but they seem to have figured out what to do with their lives, something I clearly haven’t yet.

 

Life has never been easy for me.  Up until recently, after I spent a year studying in England, I come back home to find that I had lost most of the people close to me.  As they say time changes people, or well, it has definitely changed me.  I came back different, expecting different things from people, believing that I deserved better.  So changes where inevitable.  However, this still meant depressing moments and a long time alone, having hardly anyone around.  Then, I found this job.  I was vibrant, excited, full of ideas, full of visions of the future.  Things even started going better with other people, had more friends around, felt less lonely.  But now I am lost again.  It’s just that I cannot figure out where to go from here.  What to do?  What I want?

I know life isn’t easy and that nothing is ever easy.  But I just wish that somewhere a candle is lit up to clear away the darkness, to show me the way, the path I need to follow in order to achieve what “I am meant to” achieve.  Life is our biggest teacher.  We learn from our experiences.  We learn who we are, what we are capable of doing and sometimes even how to go about doing things.  I just wish that I am given the possibility to really find out what I want to do in life, where I am heading.  At least, if I know this, I’m sure I’ll be able to find a way to achieve this.  I’m tired of not knowing where I’m heading.  I’m tired of feeling so lost all the time.  I just want some answers for once.
  

In Plato’s Republic, he saw people as having a pre-destined role, having people born to be leaders, others soldiers and others manual workers.  First time I read the book I thought the idea was simply hideous because everyone should be free to do what they please and that no one should be tagged and labelled before they were even given the possibility to show what they are capable of doing.  However, at this point in time, I envy the citizens in Plato’s Republic.  They were born knowing what to do, easy enough right?  I know I’m babbling about people who never even existed apart from in Plato’s find, all I want is some answers, some clues, some directions that can guide me to my next move, showing me what I should do and where to go from there.  Don’t think that’s asking too much is it?

Blindfolded

Feeling lonely and stuck,
nowhere to go,
facing the same problems over and over again,
wanting a way out.

Everywhere is pitch black,
darkness is all you see,
no light anywhere,
a tunnel with no end.

The end is better,
or so you think,
it's the ones you leave behind are left to settle the price.

Think deeply, look carefully,
another solution you're sure to find,
you're too precious to die.

The complicated issue of Divorce

Up until just a few years ago, here in Malta the issue of divorce had been hardly, heard or thought of.  We didn't have it and that was that.  However, in the recent years someone dared mentioning in Parliament and now it's all anyone can talk about.

Unfortunately, like everything in Malta, even the issue of divorce is being politicized with the Labour party, who has the majority of members in favour of divorce, being depicted as the party who is going against the Church and that Catholic religion.  It is true that the Church has its own rules and laws which may differ from the country’s law, and in fact, in my opinion, it is because of this difference and the power it still holds in Malta, that the issue of divorce has never been discussed before now.  However, for me, no decisions on this issue should be taken on a political basis.  This is an issue which need to be taken with a conviction, because one really believes that the position being taken is the one in which s/he really believes to be the right one.  It is a moral question, not a political question and we should stop picturing it as such.

As a Catholic, I do believe that the Church has its rules which it needs to enforce, meaning that if you get married in Church, promising to adhere to the Church rules, then you should respect such laws as much as possible.  However, in this country not everyone is Catholic or wants a Catholic marriage.  So in this case, I don’t see how non Catholic people, or anyone else, not bounded by a Catholic marriage, be deprived of having the possibility to end their marriage and remarry again?  Divorce is a state matter not a Church matter (the Church has annulment at its disposal to finish a marriage), and thus, the decision should be independent of any religions.

Then again, don’t the Catholics themselves have the right to re-marry if things don’t go well in their marriage?  This is not a Vegas style divorce we are talking about.  This is a thought of carefully type of divorce, taken by two consenting adults who have decided that their marriage is not working, and that staying within such a relationship will only make them unhappy and bitter, where it is easy for tempers to fly, and living in a prison-like relationship, in a place where it is difficult to consider home, your safe haven and where love is lacking.  Because, after all what is marriage?  The way I see it, marriage is a contract signed by two people who decide that they are ready to live in harmony together, loving each other, sharing the burdens and helping each other out.  So if there is no love anymore, if people end up alienating each other, not being interested in adhere to the conditions set up by that contract, then, isn’t it better if that contract seizes to exist?

One of the many reasons given against divorce is the negative effect this has on children.  But don’t children suffer just the same, if not more, when they are brought up in an environment where love and respect are lacking, and where there may perhaps be even violence?  Single parents’ households are just as able to raise well mannered, well behaved and well educated children as any other two parent household.  What is important for children when they are growing up is that they are loved and cared for.  Time spent with the parents can be limited but as long as the children know that they can count on their parents, that they will be there whenever they need them, then the child will not suffer the horrible consequences that everyone attributes to divorce.

By this, I do not mean that divorce is a nice thing, and that I am in anyway happy when a marriage fails.  Divorce is just a chance to try ones more to build up a long lasting relationship with someone you love, a better marriage of sorts, a new opportunity at finding happiness and love, an opportunity to start over again.  But most importantly, I think it is an opportunity which everyone has a right for.

For myself, I obviously hope, if I ever was to get married, that I do not have a need to succumb to divorce, that my marriage lasts till death do us part.  However, I just cannot bring myself to remove the possibility for others to have this option.  Who am I to decide that a couple should not have the opportunity to start over with new people?  Who am I to negate to others the opportunity to make use of all the rights and benefits that come with marriage.  Some people may be against it because of their religious belief, and thus, even if their marriage fails, they will never file for divorce.  But others may want to do so and it is only fair that they are given the possibility to do so.  If one is Catholic and does not believe in divorce, s/he should show this belief by not using it, not by taking away the opportunity for others to use it.        

Beliefs

I don't know if it ever happened to you, but to me it happens often that an experience or an events which occurs gets me thinking and reflecting, trying to understand where I stand on certain matters.  What I'm about to write below all emerged from a film a saw last night called "The Fourth Kind".  I deals with the issue of alien abductions and it is professed to be the real deal.  It shows footages, interviews and recordings of events which took place in 2000 in a place called Nome in Alaska.  This film describes this place as an attraction of the FBI and as also the victim of a high number of disappearances which were never solved.

As expected, when googling The Fourth Kind a number of sites tackling the issue of alien abduction come up, most of them claiming that the film is a hoax.  Most of the people state that they cannot believe in such things because they have never witnessed them and anyway these are things which are too incredible and difficult to believe.  Moreover, they say that it is very difficult to believe in alien abductions when it is always claimed to happen to a small number of people, and it's never a display to the masses.

The subject of aliens has been tackled widely within the media especially in the cinematography environment.  Because of this people have always associated aliens with science fiction thus, making it more difficult to see them as real.  Some people do believe that we are not alone in this vast universe, but this is not enough for them to believe in the possibility that there may be aliens roaming the earth. 

Conspiracy theories and metropolitan legends are anything but uncommon.  Area 51, crop circles, sightings of UFOs have always been on the mouth of some people, making it even more difficult to belief in the reality of aliens.  So what should one belief?  Millions of people from around the world have reported sighting of UFOs throughout the years.  Are these all fakers?  Could anyone of these be telling the truth?  Is there a logical explanation to what these people say they've seen?

As a catholic, as also in other religions, we belief in things we've never seen, and we call it faith.  Loads of people belief in God and in his powers to make miracles and it is not eh first time that people witness cures which the doctors cannot give a scientific explanation to them.  As a Maltese, since a very young age, I've been taught to believe in the power of a greater force that is there looking out for us.  Churches like ta' Pinu in Gozo are full of evidence of how much Maltese people believed in things which can never be proven.  Same things can be said about Fatima, Lourdes and Medjugorje which receive tons of visits each year from people who believe that a person, or a small group of people have witnessed a miracle, something that cannot be proven by scientific evidence, but that still has led millions to have faith and accept it as the truth.

So, people ask: Have these people been dubbed?  Are these people stupid, ready to believe anything even if there isn't a shred of proof to support their claims?  Or are they fakers?  The same things can be asked about alien believers.  Are they fakers? Are they crazy? Are they attention seekers?  Are they trying to gain something out of what they're saying? Or have they simply experienced something which others didn't?  Should we stop believing in people because they are speaking about things which we don't see, we don't understand or because they never happened to us?

I myself have come to a point where I've no idea what to believe.  I am one of those who doesn't think it's possible that the Earth is the only planet in this enormous universe which supports life.  However at the same time the idea of aliens abducting people seem too farfetched for me.  I mean, I don't know, it's just too confusing and unrealistic that makes it very difficult to come in terms with the idea and even more to accept it as the truth.  At the same time, I just can't find myself pointing my fingers at these people calling them crazy, fakers or stupid.  How can I judge these people are insane when I, along with hundreds of people I know, believe in a higher entity who has more power than we do.

Coping with the unfairness in life

A very common phrase which you will undoubtedly have heard a million times is: "Life isn't fair". So you shouldn't be surprised when things don't happen the way you plan, when people abuse of your generosity or when people hurt you, because you learn to accept that life is a bitch, it is tough, and you definitely will end suffering at the hands of others someday.

Some people aim to live a life without hassle, without any unnecessary drama but this is more difficult than they expect.  You can decide not to get into discussions with their friends and so when decisions need to be taken, they may offer their opinion but they do not say anything when their opinion is discarded in favour of their friends opinion, prefering to keep their retorts to themselves, prefering not to show that it hurts when they're always put in second place.  But how long can you live like this? How long are you ready to keep these relationships? How long can you laugh pretending everything is fine?  How long can you keep your feelings and thoughts locked inside you?  How long can you go on lying about how you feel wishing someone would just notice that you're not ok? How long can you go on living in the fear that you're alone and non important because no one seems to be able to understand your pain, no one is ready to make sacrifices for you as if your not worth the trouble, or you don't deserve their compassion, their time or their help?

I hate it when friends say "Oh call me if you need anything or want to hangout" and you call/msg but you never hear from them until they need something from you.  Doesn't friendship stand for a place when one can share, help and find solace when it is needed anymore?  Has it changed to a place where people used one another without caring how the others feel, or without ever questioning how your behaviour affects others? Has friendship became synonym with fake, empty words and unkept promises?   Everyone says that when you give something to others you shouldn't expect anything in return, which is a true and valid reasoning when one for example does voluntary work.  But how much is this valid for friendship?  Sure when you help your friends, when you're there when they need you, you don't expect anything in return? But it sure hurts when no one gives you something back, when you don't find them when you really need a shoulder to cry on.  It makes you really wonder how much share and share alike actually happen.  Don't you hate being labelled as egoistic only because you seek respect from the people you love?

Life is definitely difficult, and it most certainly isn't and will never be fair.  Sometimes, in order to cope with life, some people immerse themselves in an imaginary world where they're the best and nothing can hurt them. Sometimes the feeling of depression and loneliness seems too hard to handle, but suicide should not be an option.  Remember that in whichever shitty situation you are in there are others who most definitely face the same situation you face, there are others that have been there before you and there are others who will face the same things after you.  Putting it simply, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  

You should have faith in yourself and you need to remember that nobody will love you, respect you or accept you unless first you love, respect and accept yourself.  You shouldn't be afraid to take a step forward, put down your feet and say something when you don't agree or when something hurts you.  You should try to avoid complicating friendships because they don't do much in aiding your situation or in making you feel better.  They will just complicate your life even more, making it easier for you to get hurt.  I know it's not easy, it takes time and experience, but you need to figure out, what kind of person you are, what you like and what are the principles you live with, and stick with them.  Surround yourself with people who respect you, who are there when you need them.  Build relationships based on trust and honesty.  People are different and its very difficult to find people with whom you will agree on everything.  The most important thing is that you are with people with whom you can discuss things, were you are welcome to share your opinion, and with whom you can reason things out.

Life is difficult enough as it is, let's not complicate it even further.  With a little bit more sensibility we could all make each others life so much simpler.  Life is made of opposites, so lets try to give as much as we take. Only this way can we hope for a little less unfairness in life.